I lay in my mothers lap crying. I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted it to go away. All of it. All the worry, all the stress. Sometimes I wish that the good Lord didn't have a job for me here on earth, and I could just see his face. No more tears. No more pain.
God bless my mother. She keeps presents burrowed away around the house for birthdays she forgot, or weddings, last minute guests, or gusts children. She brought out a box of lavender bath items, candles, oils, salts. "Lavender is supposed to help you sleep" she suggested, "Why don't you take a bath?" I did-it's almost three in the morning....but I did.
Bath time is God time for me. A place where GOD seems to meet me in my symbolic and literal nakedness. A place where I'm most vulnerable and open to Him. When I lived in Los Angeles, I didn't have a bath. So I met him in the Garden of a Church. He spoke to me there through the fountain, the trees, the birds and the squirrels.
In the bath. He speaks to me in the quiet.
My aunt used to tell me. "Don't cry now. You're only allowed to cry in the shower. You can take as many showers as you want, but you can only cry in the shower."
In a season of my life where I'm simply waiting for the Lord. Hearing that this is supposed to be my year of Jubilee.
I always thought Jubilee was supposed to be celebratory...and relaxing...and intentional....but sometimes, being told to be quiet, be still, and wait...isn't so easy to hear.
A cleansing was what the High Priests were called to do before they entered the Holy of Holy's. Esther spent an entire year in baths and special oils in preparation for the King. We are baptized as a symbolic statement of our covenant with the Lord and His cleansing of our souls.
Sometimes, as a woman, you need to take that extra hour, and scrub off the dirt, the worry, the tears, the frustration and depression. You need to luxuriate in His presence; in aromas that comfort and relax you. In soaps and cleansers that make you feel beautiful and clean. A gesture of renewal. A reminder that tomorrow is indeed another day. As Anne Shirley says in my favorite novel, "isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?" Your world may not be washed clean, but you can look at it with new eyes. You have hope, and a future.
"Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" (Mathew 6:26) Our dear Lord asks us.
You are precious. You are loved. Have faith dear sister. The Lord has good work in you.
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