Wednesday, April 24, 2013


I've been MIA for awhile...I know.

I've been distracted with myself -starting a new job, becoming more active in the church, moving into a home with 3 women and 5 teen aged girls.

I'm used to the estrogen.

I'm not used to working evenings- which leaves me sleeping in in the morning. I've been having troubles keeping up with my personal devotionals...mostly because I really haven't found a space, other than my bed- that I can be alone.

I really need that chair.

I haven't been able to finish a book, or read through a chapter in the bible. I'm constantly in a state of business vs. exhaustion and wondering if God is just calling me to rest right now.

I can't hear him.

I also haven't spent my time with him.

I've anesthetized myself again, dreaming of things that aren't...quite yet...may never be...

            and then God calls

From devotionals. From the pulpit. From his scriptures. From the used books my hands have found in thrift stores. From group bible studies and single ladies bible studies...

and I don't know what He is saying.

and I want to know what is going to happen next.

and I want to know why the seminary thinks I'd be better in educational ministry and/or theological studies than in counseling...and why didn't God bring that to my attention in the first place?

No wonder I've's the only way I feel some sort of control.

"Rest in the stillness of my presence....wait on Me in confident trust. Be still and know that I am God...Your fear often manifests itself in excessive planning. Your mind is so accustomed to this pattern of thinking that you are only now becoming aware of how pervasive it is and how much it hinders your intimacy with me." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young April 24)

God seemed to have my everyday in mind when he asked Sarah to write that book.

16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them! (Psalm 139:16-17, ESV)
What is it to live your purpose in this world? How much effort do we have to put in to know and do the will of God? It can't just be shooting in the dark. Or can it?
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