Single on a Sunday: Changing the Conversation on Singleness

by Graeme Weatherston

Today I'm so excited to introduce you to Jessica Bufkin!! She is guest posting for us from Single Roots. I just love how she reminds me to entrust the details of my life to the Lord and how to look at God's provision in each and everyone of our lives.


A former junior high English teacher, Jessica Bufkin currently serves as Editor for
SingleRoots, a website that encourages Christian singles to be intentional with their lives
and offers many resources to assist them, including a review of Christian dating sites and
a free eBook, “When Will I Get Married? (and 7 Other Questions that Plague Singles).”

Changing the Conversation on Singleness

by Jessica Bufkin

Can we all just stop for a minute? Stop with the hollow clichés about dating. Stop with
the far-reaching explanations of why we’re still single. Stop with the pep talks of how
we’ll find someone, some day.

I know it doesn’t fit the stereotype of the Christian single, but I’m not perpetually
sad about my unmarried state.

I don’t wake up every morning and reluctantly convince myself that today is going to be
a good day even though I don’t roll over and see the love of my life on the pillow next to
me.

And just because I’m not sad about my singleness doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be
married—because I do. It’s one of the deepest longings of my heart.

I guess having been single for longer than I ever thought I would be, I feel like I’ve heard
it all, from both sides. There are days when I get frustrated with people for acting as if
I’ve not fully arrived because I’m in my thirties and not married. But there are also days
I get frustrated with singles who believe those lies and allow them to steal their joy and
zest for living.

I don’t have life and singleness all figured out. I don’t. But can I just tell you, despite
what others think about poor, pitiful singles, there is not an undercurrent of sadness
beneath everything I do.

I wish we could change the singleness conversation from one of consolation to one of
celebration—and that people would really mean it.

Because I mean it when I say I have been immeasurably blessed.

Do you know how much traveling I’ve been able to do on a whim in the past decade?

Or how many times I’ve been able to meet needs for my family, at the drop of a hat, that
others with spouses and kids weren’t able to do?

Or how many times I’ve been able to take a spontaneous road trip to check on a friend
who I could sense wasn’t doing well spiritually?

Or the jobs I’ve been able to take because I was mobile?

Or how much I’m able to hang out with youth and college students and enter fully into
their stories because I don’t have someone waiting on me at home?

None of those things are consolation prizes! They are my life, and I have loved, loved,
loved every moment of it.

Sure, there are moments of wistfulness and hope and prayers that one day I will
know the love that is found in marriage.

And if that ever happens, I pray that I have lived this lot in my life, this singleness, so
fully that I am left with little regret of how it might have been lived differently. Like
everything I’ve been entrusted, I pray I bless the Lord with it and steward it well—
regardless of my marital status.

LORD, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing.
You guard all that is mine.
The land you have given me is a pleasant land.
What a wonderful inheritance!
I will bless the LORD who guides me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I know the LORD is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
[Psalm 16:5-8]



Have you posted about singleness lately?

Link up with us this week and let's share the encouragement. Please be sure to read and comment on the persons link before yours so we can share the single luv.

Rules for Link Up:

1. You must be a single woman.

2. Please list the NAME of your post. 

3. Please visit the 2 people who posted before you and offer them some encouragement.
4. Attach my button or link back to this page at the end of your post.

Non-Single Ladies I love you too and I'm sure Jessica would love any and all encouragement and comments from you!

All You People Listen Up!!!!

Photo by imagerymajestic

My soul is letting out a guttural groan. I close my eyes as I feign a display of patience, I'm really just tired.

As I've been milling around in my mind, and praying about this ministry that God has seemingly placed on my heart I am becoming increasingly frustrated with a lack of good material and connection out there for single women.

Married women, I love you. I love your children, I love your husbands, I love all the crafty things you do to make a home for you and your family. I think your precious. In my heart of hearts I am jealous of you.

I would like everyone to know that, despite the fact that I am single, I am not 12 years old, nor am I a high school graduate, or in the middle of my college years. I am too close to thirty to say I'm pushing it, I have my masters degree and have been taking care of and living by myself (not very well) for almost ten years! I am not ugly, nor am I social outcast. I do not hate men. My singleness is not a choice I made. Nor do I want someone to condescendingly suggest that it is a blessing.

 I don't go out and party hardy on Friday and Saturday nights. It's hard to have a "girls" night because most of "the girls" are taking care of their children, or making dinner for their men.

I love my married friends, but it is increasingly hard to keep in touch with them because they can't set aside 30 minutes to an hour for a conversation.

I know the heart isn't there, but I am so frustrated with a weird implication that because I'm not married, I am somehow not grown up, or I'm less mature than a married woman who is a decade younger than me with children of her own.

I am tired of reading things about singleness being "a gift" of the holy spirit...which actually isn't even biblical. (Read What Paul is NOT Saying)

I am sick of married women my exact age telling me that I'm "still young" or "you've got time" and "don't wish your life away" or "being married isn't exactly all you think it is."

I don't complain too much about being single. I would much rather be single than dating, though I would much rather be married than single. I have come to accept singleness as a season in my life. It is a refiners fire I am walking through.

I found this little gem to be hilarious...because in a twisted way...I find it to be a little true.

Now I don't mean to insinuate that I am anywhere near as awesome as Neil Patrick Harris, :P but I AM suggesting that while other women are growing as wives and/or mothers I'm growing as well. I don't have any more or less growing to do. It's just my time to grow through a different means that God wants me to experience for whatever reason. 

Well, I'm instituting Single on a Sunday...once I figure out how this link-up party thing works.

I am asking - nay BEGGING all of the single women in the online Christian community to come forward and bring us encouragement. Show us your struggles. Share your craftiness and your cooking expertise, your homemaking prowess, your single woes, growth and joys. 

All you Single Ladies I need to know you're out there...and you're not between the ages of twelve and twenty one!