Fear Not

When looking at my "God-Sized" dreams that have been manifesting themselves over the past month, I face certain doubts.

I'm always afraid of being "found out." I'm not qualified enough to begin a women's ministry. I'm not organized enough to be a good mom. I'm not strong enough...I'm not smart enough...I'm not skinny enough...I'm not... I'm not...

How much of our lives do we spend trying to hide our imperfections? We buy big houses to mask the fact that our families are broken. We put on layers of makeup and spend hours on our appearance to hide how insecure we actually feel. We make up excuses for our messy cars. Post only successes on our facebook walls and our blogs. Smile when we feel like crying. Say we're fine when our hearts have been torn to pieces.

So to be honest, I am not fine every day. Frequently I live from day to day, feeling like a complete failure and not wanting anyone to know it.

On Sunday, I introduced my idea of beginning a women's ministry to one of the elders at the church. I was sure he was going to deflect me, tell me that it had been tried before and it had failed.

But he didn't.

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Prov 16:3 NIV

One of my favorite lecturers, Bobbett Buster says "Face your fears, there your creativity lies."

If we commit our plans to the Lord, if we are seeking to do His will, it doesn't matter how many bible verses you have read, how charismatic you are, how sinful you have been in your past...your "I'm Not's" don't matter anymore.

I think of Moses, terrified to return to Egypt.

God will speak through you my friend. You will ALWAYS fall short of your calling. When you are called to do things greater than yourself, you can be sure that God is about to display His glory through you.

In the movie Prince Caspian, Aslan suggests that Caspian is a King of Narnia, Caspian responds " I do not think I'm ready." Aslan replies, "It's for that very reason, I know you are."

fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Find your freedom in that. 

Movin' Right Along

I've been linking up with Holley Gerth on Tuesdays.

Last Tuesday Holley asked us:
What’s one thing that helped you move forward that you could apply again now and someone else could benefit from hearing too?

 Wow. Moving forward. 

Moving. 

You just have to keep moving. 

I think Holley brought up this point in her book "You are Already Amazing," but I think moving forward requires you to look at the patterns in your life, and realize that you actually are just treading water. 

Stagnate waters usually grow mold, algae and breed mosquitoes. We need to move in order to breath.

As my mom says, "If you keep doing what you've been doing, you're going to keep getting what you've been getting." 

Change = Growth

You've got to change it up.

Sometimes I wonder if stagnation isn't why God instituted the practice of the year of Jubilee. You got to switch it up yo!

I know when I need this time, my spirit is restless. I can't focus, and I live in extreme discontent. If you are not growing, the Lord is calling out to you. You wake up every morning alive for one reason only; you have a job to do today, and it's to do the will of the Lord.

If you can't hear God speaking, it's time to shut up. sit down. and be quiet.

Sometimes I feel called  to be around and meet new people so that I can get new and different perspectives on the world.

I've met some pretty amazing people just by signing up for classes of things I'm interested in. Making new friends, or getting involved in clubs and other organizations can give you a fresh perspective on your life.

 Other times I feel God pulling me away from the world for a time, to be silent in his presence.

I love going on personal silent retreats. My longest was five days. I stayed in a seminary, woke up early, walked around the lake, prayed, read, journaled and studied. The clarity that comes from complete immersion in His presence is unbelievable.

                                                              
                       Movin' Right Along

Sharing my God Sized Dream

by Julio Pineda

I gave up my dreams of living a life uncommon years ago and set my mind to the task of getting through my days. I didn't believe that God cared if I was happy or not, because it had seemed as though He had shattered everything I had ever hoped for. From that point on I just rode the waves that life takes you on when you are not intentional. I lived to work, to support my self, so that I could live. I honestly felt like I was in a rut, and the more I continued walking it, the more impossible it was going to be to climb out of the ditch. Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever lived without hope? 

          A few weeks ago I started Holley Gerth's God Sized Dream challenge. I said that I "wanted to build a life centered on God's dream for my life and be open to what that is...I'm praying that it includes a family of my own, a group of girlfriends who are believers, and a job that benefits, and encourages at-risk teenagers and youth."

This has been a multifaceted discovery on my part. My God Sized Dream requires a whole change in lifestyle, and an openness to what God has given me, and what He is offering me in the world. 

Lately God has been focusing my heart in two different areas. Career and Soul

I want to be a counselor to at-risk teenagers. I want to be an arts therapist, and eventually an educational psychologist.  It encompasses everything I learned and knew about myself. Everything I loved, and everything I’d prayed for. I want  to go back to school and learn counseling in-line with the gospel. I want to speak hope into the lives of teenagers, and provide American school systems with viable teaching strategies to empower struggling students. I want to develop programs that use stories that echo of redemption, to teach character education. I want to run summer programs for inner city kids where they put on musicals and plays with professional actors, writers, crew and producers.

 I also want to begin a ministry that focuses on the development and realization of our God given femininity. This blog is a little piece of that. I have this idea to open a little store that sells yarn and crafting supplies, along with gifts and books about faith, with a little tea room attached. I want it to be a place where women can come for knitting circles, book clubs and devotionals.

An additional piece to this dream that has just recently rattled around in my brain is beginning a ministry for women in their 20's and 30's in the St. Louis area. I've been praying about. I have NO idea where to begin. But it is not letting my mind rest. 

I brought up the idea to all three of my mentors, my friend Jeanne, and my mom. They have all been really encouraging and excited about the prospect. 

I love having older and younger women in my life. I think it is SO so SO important to have mentors that are not your mother, but love you almost as much. I am so thankful that God has placed these lovely women in my life, even if I had to pay them for singing lessons, and career coaching, I would not be who I am today without my conversations and encouragement from them. 

I am also sharing these dreams with you cyber-blogo-sphere. If anyone has any ideas as to where to start with beginning a womens ministry I am all ears. PLEASE HELP!

My mind explodes with my “God-sized” dreams. I'll keep you posted!

Small Things

Who dares despise the day of small things? {Zech. 4:10}

Do one thing to move forward in your God-sized dream. You get extra credit if it’s simple, small and takes just a few minutes.

Well my God sized Dream is to get planted in the city my parents live in. 
 I started attending a church a couple weeks after I moved here. It's always hard to get plugged in to a new church I think. This past week I emailed the church to see how to get plugged in. I'm looking forward to getting involved in the women's group soon!


My mustard seed goal from last week was to find a job that benefited kids. In "The Do What you can plan" Holley suggests making tightening up goals and making them as specific as possible. 

I really need to find a job that I feel like I am make a difference, and not just going through the motions. My dad always says "If your not having fun, you need to stop working where you're working." I love kids, but sometimes the systems surrounding them are so self serving. It breaks my heart and ties my hands behind my back.

My goal is to apply to five youth oriented jobs a week until I am employed at a place that serves at-risk youth.

I'm in the middle of an interview process that feels like it is taking a REALLY long time. I really need patience and faith.

A God-sized Dreamers’ Prayer

God, your thoughts are not my thoughts {Is. 55:8}.

What you have planned for me is beyond all I can ask or imagine {Eph. 3:19-20}.

Yet you have also promised to reveal it to me through your Spirit {1 Cor. 2:8-10}.

So I open my heart, mind, and life to more of you–to whatever you have for me. Where there is ongoing fear in my life, please replace it with faith. Where there is a desire to hold back, give me the strength to move forward. Where there is a desert, lead me into the Promised Land you have prepared for me.

I embrace that my part is to pray, plan, and most of all seek you. And yours is to get me where you want me to go {Prov. 16:9, Prov. 19:21}. Wherever that is, that’s where I want to be too. Because there’s no better place in this world or the next than with you {Ps. 84:10}.

Your Kingdom come, your will be done, on earth {especially my little corner of it} as it is in heaven {Matt. 6:10}.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

written by Holley Gerth

My God Sized Dream

I'm a little behind, but I wanted to join up with Holley Gerth's blog, Heart to Heart with Holley. I've read her book "You're Already Amazing" and it was really helpful for me...and actually a good push for me to move out of Los Angeles.

So I downloaded her ebook "The do what you can plan"

Holley's having a link up party every Tuesday I wanted to participate in, so I'm going to catch up a bit.

Last Tuesday Holly asked us to come up with our "God sized dream"

       Holley, my God sized Dream is to get planted back in the city my parents live in, and to build a life centered on God's dream for my life and be open to what that is. I'm currently trying to figure out what that is. I'm praying that it includes a family of my own, a group of girlfriends who are believers, and a job that benefits, and encourages at-risk teenagers and youth.


 I'm currently applying to go to seminary in the fall so that I can get my counseling degree. I'm also applying for a job where I would be a house mother to at-risk teenagers for the next 2 years.

For Day One of "The Do What You Can Plan" Holley asks to write a sentence:

 "My Mustard Seed Goal is..." to find a job that lets me encourage and build up at risk children.